Making Friends as an Adult: 7 Science-Backed Steps

To make friends as an adult, put yourself in the same place with the same people again and again. Friendship comes from accumulated time, not one great conversation. A weekly group, community or voice room built around something you like starts that accumulation, and you can do it online without anything romantic attached.

How common is loneliness?

More common than most people assume. The World Health Organization's Commission on Social Connection published a global report on 30 June 2025 stating that 1 in 6 people worldwide is affected by loneliness. WHO defines loneliness as the painful feeling that comes from a gap between the social connections you want and the ones you have.

The same announcement reports:

• Loneliness is linked to an estimated 100 deaths every hour, more than 871,000 a year.
• Between 17% and 21% of people aged 13 to 29 reported feeling lonely, with the highest rates among teenagers.
• Causes include poor health, low income, living alone, and digital technologies, among others.

If you feel lonely, nothing is wrong with you. You are part of a very large group.

Why do social ties matter for health?

Because relationships and health move together. A 2010 meta-analysis by Julianne Holt-Lunstad and colleagues in PLOS Medicine pooled 148 studies and 308,849 people, followed for 7.5 years on average. Those with stronger social relationships had a 50% higher likelihood of survival.

The authors compare the size of that effect with well-established risks such as smoking and alcohol use. It is an association, not proof that making a friend by itself extends life. WHO adds that people who are lonely are twice as likely to become depressed.

The practical reading: friendship is not a luxury add-on. It is tied to how people do over the long run.

Why is it hard to make friends as an adult?

At school, friendship happens by default: same classroom, same corridor, same people every day. Adult life removes that structure. Work hours, different neighbourhoods, moves and tiredness scatter people. You still want friends; you just no longer have a repeating setting.

A few concrete obstacles:

• Moving to a new city resets your whole social circle.
• Time with coworkers tends to stay about work.
• Suggesting a meetup risks rejection, so many people put it off.
• Both sides wait for the other to make the first move.

The fix is to build the repetition yourself.

How many hours does it take to make a friend?

In a study by Jeffrey Hall of the University of Kansas, published in 2018 in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, it took roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to reach "friend", and more than 200 hours to become close friends.

Hall surveyed 355 adults who had moved in the previous six months and were looking for new friends, then followed 112 university freshmen over several weeks. Hanging out, joking around and playing video games counted; time spent only working together counted for less.

These are averages from a single line of research, not a promise that every person takes exactly 50 hours. The direction is clear, though: friendship needs repeated, enjoyable time together. Hall's own advice is to invite people and change the context, for example by asking a coworker to lunch.

What are the 7 steps to make friends as an adult?

All seven rest on one idea: make shared time regular and low-risk. The order below is a practical reading of the studies above and of the everyday steps WHO lists (join a local group, reach out to a friend, put your phone away to be present in a conversation). It is not a single tested method.

1. Fix a weekly slot. Say "Tuesday evenings", not "when I have time". Hall's hours do not accumulate without a place in your calendar.
2. Choose a place built around an interest. Music, film, books, games, hiking or a language. The topic carries the conversation; you only have to say the first sentence.
3. See the same people repeatedly. Stay in one group or room instead of trying a new one each week. Faces and voices become familiar and talking gets easier.
4. Listen first. In a setting where nobody pressures you to speak, spend the first few sessions noticing who you would like to talk to.
5. Keep the first three conversations small and concrete. Details below.
6. Make the invitation yourself. In Hall's words, you cannot make people spend time with you, but you can invite them. "Will you be in again next week?" is enough.
7. Move from online to offline slowly. Without skipping safety steps, at your own pace.

How do shared interests, communities and voice rooms help?

A shared interest hands you the first topic. A recurring community makes the hours Hall describes possible. A voice room combines the two: the same people talk about the same subject at set times, and unlike text you can hear tone, laughter and pace.

This is how those pieces work on Opia:

• Communities gather around specific topics. You can join one that fits your interests and chat in its text channels as well. The interests you pick at sign-up personalise your home page.
• You join a community's voice rooms as a listener. Microphone permission is asked only the first time you step on stage, and you press "Ask to speak". For the details, see how to open and run a voice room.
• One-to-one voice chat works through random matching. Opia also lets you send friend requests and direct messages, so a good conversation can turn into an ongoing one.

To be clear: no study has measured whether Opia helps people make friends, and the research in this article did not test Opia. Opia is one option for taking these steps, not a treatment or a promise. It is for adults aged 18 and over.

How do you start conversations in the first three chats?

The goal of the first three chats is not to impress anyone but to make the next chat possible. Ask a short, concrete question that is easy to answer, listen to the answer, and end with a line that points to next time.

• Chat one: find the common ground. "How did you end up in this room?" or "What was the last thing you read, watched or played on this?" If the topic is the room's topic, answers come easily.
• Chat two: continue. Go back to what they said last time: "I watched the series you mentioned." Being remembered is a strong signal.
• Chat three: propose something small. "Are you in the Friday room too?" or "Want to keep talking over messages?"

Things to avoid: asking for personal details (address, workplace, full name) in the first minutes, jumping into very heavy topics, and turning every message into a stream of questions. A pause is fine; you do not have to fill every silence.

How do you move from online to in person safely?

Take your time and keep control. Suggest meeting face to face only after several weeks of regular conversation, in a busy place, during the day. Never give anyone your address, money or ID details. Block anyone who makes you uncomfortable.

1. Stay on the platform. Do not share a phone number or social accounts until you know the person.
2. Talk by voice or video first. It is the easiest way to confirm the profile matches a real person.
3. Choose a public, busy place. A cafe, a museum or an event, in daytime.
4. Tell someone. Send a trusted person where you are going, with whom and when, and share your location.
5. Arrange your own way home. Leaving should be your decision.
6. Go if it feels wrong. Politeness comes after safety.

On Opia you can block and report people; report reasons include harassment, scams and sexual content. In one-to-one voice chat, someone you block will not be matched with you again. See the Safety page for details. On any platform, the decision to meet is yours and you can back out at any stage.

When should you get professional support?

Loneliness is a state, but when it is constant and heavy it can become a health problem. WHO notes that lonely people are twice as likely to become depressed and says that, in more serious cases, it matters to find out about available support and services.

Consider seeing a mental health professional if you notice:

• Low mood, loss of interest or hopelessness lasting more than two weeks.
• A clear change in sleep or appetite.
• Trouble functioning at work, school or in relationships.
• Constant avoidance of social situations that is getting worse.
• Thoughts of harming yourself or of death.

A family doctor or GP is a good first step. If you may be at risk of harming yourself, call your local emergency number straight away. This article is not medical advice.

What does a 4-week mini plan look like?

A small plan is one you will actually follow. The aim is to collect roughly 12 to 15 hours of repeated contact in four weeks, returning to the same place each week. That is far below Hall's numbers, but realistic as a start, and it builds the habit for month two.

At the end of week four, ask yourself two things: which two people were good to talk to, and which day next month will I meet them? Close friendship is a long way off, but you will be nearly a third of the way through the first 50 hours.

What should you look for in a friend-making app?

Look at whether the app focuses on friendship or dating, what safety tools it has, and whether it lets you talk to the same people more than once. If your goal is to make friends, structures such as communities, rooms and messaging, which bring you back to the same people, fit better than one-off matches.

A checklist:

• Is the purpose friendship, or is the product steering you toward dating?
• How does it handle age? Opia is 18+ and asks for your birth date with an 18+ confirmation at sign-up; check what each app actually requires.
• Are block and report buttons reachable from inside a conversation?
• Does the app explain how voice, location and profile data are handled?
• Are the rules and the moderation process readable?

There is no single best app. The right one is the place you will actually open every week and meet the same people again.

Cover image: Omar Prestwich.jpg), CC0, cropped.